G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra [Archive]

Bells

08-02-2009, 06:58 PM

So, it's upon us. August 7. One more franchise from our childhood turns movie turns game turns toy turns movie sequel.

For those of you who didn't saw the trailer yet, here it is:

Superbowl Spot (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKVqPzm134U)

The first official trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaNs64k_2xw)

The Second Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJen20PuLXk)

The Eifel tower scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN5fVVvga2k)

The silly chase (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPbyx4jOuag)

If you watch all these videos, here is my question: Can you spot the hand of the Mummy and Val Helsing director on this? The corny dialog and "LOL WUT" jokes are all over this. What started as a possible really great movie, now, for me, is closer and closer to Numb-Minded Popcorn flick.

So, Iroman look-alike acrobatics, and unnecessary jokes aside (seriously. "Nice shoes" ?) i still look forward to be entertained this week.

krogothwolf

08-02-2009, 07:03 PM

They are completely channeling the spirit of the 1980's cartoon on this one, I'm half expecting a PSA after this cause knowing is half the battle!

Masked Jedi

08-02-2009, 08:34 PM

I was expecting this is to suck balls. Even though I love the Mummy. But then the initial reviews were pretty good. Now I don't know what to think.

Sky Warrior Bob

08-02-2009, 09:42 PM

I expect to enjoy this. While Van Helsing & those Mummy movies weren't great pieces of work, they were enjoyable in a campy way. They also had a plot that I could somewhat follow.

Not a good plot, but overall a plot.

So just going on those two facts alone, I've got higher hopes for the movie than the Transformers flicks.

...

Of course, I still don't understand why Snake-Eyes has a mouth. Considering he doesn't talk & it doesn't look like it can move (I've seen it up close at Comic-Con). Yeah, Hasbro did give some bulljive about it being based on an early figure/an older comic (I'm not sure which... I can't remember the specifics), but I still think its a stupid choice.

While I did hear that the accelerator suits are a big part of the trailer, apparently they won't get nearly as much usage in the film. Which is fine by me.

SWB

Wigmund

08-02-2009, 09:54 PM

I'm going in with very low expectations, so I should be pleasantly surprised no matter how good or bad it is.

Mac

08-02-2009, 10:02 PM

As stupid as this sounds, I detest the idea that the Joes have these super suits.

Mirai Gen

08-02-2009, 10:07 PM

I'm kinda okay with the suits but I really would have preferred if it was the most absurd, DMC3 cutscenes-ish 'they do it cause they're badasses' doesn't-take-itself-seriously movie of all time.

Joe soldiers want to run at 40 miles an hour and jump around rockets and exploding cars? Bam, done. No explanation, no breakdown, no reasoning, just do it. It would be campy as shit but to hell with it, you never explained it when you were in your room holding action figures, why start now?

I know why they won't do this but I can't help but reminisce on what might have been.

Bells

08-02-2009, 10:14 PM

Why not? Snake eyes does it. Check trailer 2. The guy is like a friggin cyborg!

I really hope the super suits don't get that much room. They seem like silly comic fodder. I Also hope the Baroness is more of an badass than these trailers lead on...

Although, nothing will save me from the stupid mask they gave cobra Commander... but oh well.

I really hope they respect G I Joe honor and history and end the movie with both sides showing 0 deaths.

Mirai Gen

08-02-2009, 10:21 PM

Why not? Snake eyes does it. Check trailer 2. The guy is like a friggin cyborg!
It's an explanation.

krogothwolf

08-02-2009, 10:24 PM

No, Snake-Eyes is a ninja man, didn't you know all ninjas can do that? Hell my snake eyes toy when I was a kid could practically fly as well,

phil_

08-02-2009, 10:59 PM

I sorta want to go see this so that, everytime Cobra does anything, I can yell "COBRA!" and wave my fist in the air. I did so for the preview before Transformers, and it was pretty fun. I'm sure everyone in the theater's experience will be enhanced by this.

Magus

08-03-2009, 01:36 AM

While it looks like it might be better than Transformers 2 (I haven't seen that one yet, thankfully, as the plot synopsis I've read paint it as being totally ludicrous beyond belief), it also looks pretty retarded as well. But less retarded.

Yeah, I might see this one.

Archbio

08-03-2009, 04:16 AM

How can you go wrong adapting G.I. Joe?

Bells

08-03-2009, 04:27 AM

How can anyone go wrong adapting transformers?

It baffles the mind really.

Now... the Centurions. That will be a great movie. Can't go wrong there.

The Gunslinger

08-03-2009, 07:18 PM

This will draw in the target audiences: little kids and people who get all nostalgic when you mention an old 80's cartoon.

It's okay to be nostalgic but when you go into a movie that you know will not live up to your expectations, you're just fueling the fire for bad adaptations of old shows.

Magus

08-03-2009, 11:09 PM

That recent animated G.I. Joe thing wasn't too bad, they should've just made that two hours long and released it in theaters. I mean, y'know, it used to be you could release actual animated films in theaters that weren't straight-up family friendly G films! Look at Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, or uhh...Titan A.E.?! Obviously it'll fail financially but still.

Oh, wait. They want to make money. I forgot. But I mean, do they really save that much money by not hiring a good writer (in the case of Transformers)? I mean you can have stuff blow up real good but it can't have a structural basis of bad dialogue and plot holes or it'll fall like a house of cards (or make millions of dollars, in this case, unfortunately).

Anyway, I hope G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra is good because it would be good if there was a good G.I. Joe thing that made money, I mean, that would lead to more good G.I. Joe things (though inevitably we are going to get more G.I. Joe things no matter what, as this film is going to make lots of money, but I want them to be good, too).

EDIT: Ugh, I think we might have a stinker on our hands, judging by the fact that Paramount is refusing to screen the film to critics ahead of its release (http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-ct-joe5-2009aug05,0,7961892.story). In my opinion when studios have done this in the past its because they are fully aware that a film is going to be critically panned and have no confidence in it themselves. They don't want to hurt their ticket sales by having their film criticized prior to people paying ten dollars to see it. I

'll certainly be waiting until I can read a review before seeing this movie, which is actually going to hurt their sales if everyone thinks the same way as me (they obviously don't, as we see with Transformers--even bad reviews available before a film comes out won't affect its sales in a lot of cases, namely these big budget blockbusters, so I think Paramount is just showing their hand before they should by refusing to allow critics to screen the film.)

Bells

08-05-2009, 06:18 AM

as of this writing, GI Joe sports a 91% positive rating at Rotten Tomatoes.

Meister

08-05-2009, 06:25 AM

What started as a possible really great movie, now, for me, is closer and closer to Numb-Minded Popcorn flick.
You thought the G.I. Joe movie was ever going to be something other than a numb-minded popcorn flick.

Man, I don't even know where to begin.

TheWolf13

08-05-2009, 12:43 PM

I hate critics. I wouldn't let them near my film either.

krogothwolf

08-05-2009, 12:49 PM

They should let critics view it, every summer blockbuster they call trash ends up making huge money.

Meister

08-05-2009, 12:55 PM

Being trash and making huge money don't exclude each other. In fact the term "requirement" comes to mind.

Fifthfiend

08-05-2009, 01:26 PM

No I mean sometimes a movie makes a lot of money because it's a good movie that people who like good things will like. Like Dark Knight, or anything Pixar makes. But then sometimes a movie makes a lot of money because it's a douchebag movie made for douchebags, like pretty much any Michael Bay movie ever.

krogothwolf

08-05-2009, 01:41 PM

or they could make a shitload of money because, you know, people actually enjoy those types of movies because they're highly entertaining? Critics try to find the problems in a movie. The general public likes to be entertained. Michael Bay makes movies that are generally entertaining.

Archbio

08-05-2009, 03:04 PM

Really, "they're highly entertaining" and "they're made for douchebags" aren't mutually exclusive propositions. Lowest. Common. Denominator.

krogothwolf

08-05-2009, 03:27 PM

So making a movie that is entertaining lets you just sit back and enjoy means you make it for douche bags?

Archbio

08-05-2009, 03:37 PM

So making a movie that is entertaining lets you just sit back and enjoy means you make it for douche bags?

"Please state or rephrase inquiry."

I mean honestly, I just reject the premises embedded in that sentence.

Making a movie that, despite being entertaining to an audience, can't possibly be enjoyed on any other level than the basest one because it's complete and utter trash, is in fact "making it for douchebags."

I've got nothing against entertainment.

krogothwolf

08-05-2009, 03:55 PM

"Please state or rephrase inquiry."

I mean honestly, I just reject the premises embedded in that sentence.

Making a movie that, despite being entertaining to an audience, can't possibly be enjoyed on any other level than the basest one because it's complete and utter trash, is in fact "making it for douchebags."

I've got nothing against entertainment.

It was just how it seemed to me when you said they weren't mutually exclusive. But I don't agree that the movies in question are impossible to enjoy except on the basest level. Sure they don't provoke thought inducing questions but that doesn't mean they are geared toward the lowest common denominator either.

Meister

08-05-2009, 04:03 PM

If big summer blockbuster movies aren't geared towards the lowest common denominator, what is? After all they're designed to draw as many people as possible, so they'd just about have to be.

Archbio

08-05-2009, 04:07 PM

It was just how it seemed to me when you said they weren't mutually exclusive.

Two things not being mutually exclusive doesn't mean that there's just overlap. Something can both be entertaining to an audience and be utter shit, but it doesn't mean that everything's that entertaining is utter shit.

If big summer blockbuster movies aren't geared towards the lowest common denominator, what is?

Public executions.

krogothwolf

08-05-2009, 04:08 PM

Public executions.

Public humiliation and imprisonment

The Gunslinger

08-05-2009, 09:52 PM

A film can be an entertaining blockbuster and still be good. Two words and one number: Spider-Man 2.

Magus

08-06-2009, 02:33 AM

as of this writing, GI Joe sports a 91% positive rating at Rotten Tomatoes.

As the article I posted stated, those reviews are from fan sites on the internet that Paramount DID allow to screen the film early. Thus it is even more skewed than a metastatistic normally is because this only has fans of the franchise/movie reviewing it. It's not objective in the least.

Basically, Roger Ebert isn't going to get to pre-screen this, and I have no doubt it's because he gave Transformers 2 one-star, and they aren't letting any other critics pre-screen it either, and I believe it's because they're afraid. Not a vote of confidence on the quality of the film in my opinion.

Basically, guess what, Spider-Man 2? Advance screening by critics. The Dark Knight? Advance screening by critics.

A sample of recent movies which did not receive advance screening, with their respective Rotten Tomatoes percentages after the movies were finally reviewed by critics: Link (http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/08/04/by-the-numbers-movies-not-screened-for-nationwide-press/)

* The Collector 32%
* Obsessed 19%
* Crank: High Voltage 62%
* 12 Rounds 29%
* Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li 4%
* Madea Goes To Jail 28%
* Underworld: Rise of the Lycans 32%
* The Haunting of Molly Hartley 3%
* SAW V 15%
* An American Carol 13%
* Fireproof 37%
* My Best Friend’s Girl 15%
* Tyler Perry’s The Family that Preys 51%
* Disaster Movie 2%
* Bangkok Dangerous 9%
* Mirrors 15%

Basically, out of all of those, Crank: High Voltage is the only one to recieve a "Fresh" rating, though some of the other ones were sort of close (the one Tyler Perry movie).

The lack of an advance screening is a sure-fire sign that the studio doesn't have confidence the film will pass muster with critics, that they fear that critical reviews will hurt their ticket sales, and it may very well be a sign that film simply sucks by most people's standards. The only movie I can pick out of that that I enjoyed is, yes, Crank: High Voltage.

Bells

08-06-2009, 04:17 AM

Ahm...... ok i'm a little confused right now.

Those movies you cited... they suck. The really, really, true to the heavens suck. I'm pretty sure that would get picked on critics radars with a pre-screening or not.

the movie is now at around 75% or an 6/10 average. All reviews, good and bad, seem to pinpoint the same stuff... it's mindless "die-hard" popcorn flick done with the right pacing and well placed, if not always successful, humor.

I'm... not really seeing much of a connection between "pre-screen = good", really.

Although i can tell you that i use Online reviews as a "tip" for how low or how high to set the bar when i go see one of those movies, but i still go see them if I'm curious.

Or if i think the movie will REALLY suck, i'll be honest here. I just download it. If it's good, then i go see it in the theaters, usually with my Girlfriend (Example: I did just that with Cloverfield).

If they were 100% true to the original product it would suck even more, i'm sure of it. But it seems like mindless fun of the good kind, so, not really a bad thing to support...

Mirai Gen

08-06-2009, 02:20 PM

I'm... not really seeing much of a connection between "pre-screen = good", really.
It was a breakdown and analysis of how metascoring systems are unfair and biased, as well as how they work.

They are only showing this movie that is probably just a generic popcorn movie to the GI Joe fans, because that way they'll go ranting and raving about it, and witholding it from film critics because they'll barbecue it as a senseless action movie.

So you can't rely on a metasystem, especially not this early.

EDIT: Plus it isn't like they walked out of the studio with the film reel in hand going, golly gee, we just made ourselves a movie that can one-up Terminator 2: Judgment Day! If it sucks I'm sure they know just how bad.

Krylo

08-06-2009, 02:28 PM

You can't really rely on a metasystem, ANYWAY, when it comes to movies like this.

If something is a good mindless action flick, like you said, the critics will tear it apart which will reduce it's rating considerably lower than it really should be. Critics have a really bad habit of rating things based on what they want to see instead of based upon what the movie is trying to accomplish, and that's a pretty big problem when you just look at a meta score.

If you take the time to just read the reviews you can more or less gel out whether it's a good movie or not, as they'll often concede things like 'good special effects' or 'amazing choreography' for a few seconds before following with 'but it lacked any kind of emotional attachment' or whatever.

The same goes for positive reviews from biased sources--you can often prune out the bullshit if you read the review.

But just looking at the score? You've got no real idea.

The Wandering God

08-06-2009, 02:31 PM

But the logic of showing it to fans to get good reviews would fall apart if the movie was absolute garbage and/or if it didn't pay any regards to the source material.

See Transformers 2. (Which I thought was okay, but most fans despise.)

From what I heard (www.aintitcool.com) it's fun and actiony without a great deal of stupidity. (Some, but it's a summer blockbuster film. I'm not hoping for a miracle here.) Mostly it seems like some people are just chomping at the bit to tear this film apart because... they want to.

The Wandering God

Edit: Krylo are you sure you don't mean
The majority have a really bad habit of rating things based on what they want to see

krogothwolf

08-06-2009, 03:03 PM

Transformers 2 has made nearly $400 million US, so I think it's safe to assume, many fans didn't despise it and it was panned by critics. I also enjoyed as did most of the people I know.

Mirai Gen

08-06-2009, 03:07 PM

But the logic of showing it to fans to get good reviews would fall apart if the movie was absolute garbage and/or if it didn't pay any regards to the source material.
That could happen, but here it clearly isn't, so I don't know why you're bringing this up.

EDIT: Transformers 2 did some things right, I just wish it did plot right.

Bells

08-06-2009, 03:40 PM

The only reviews i read were the ones from IGN US and IGN UK. Mostly because those were sources i already know, so i knew what to expect in terms of how they review stuff like this. Also i liked that the UK reviewer said up front that he barely knows the Joe franchise, while the US reviewer grew up with it... and they point almost the same problems and strong points.

Not that IGN is any plateau of quality reviews, but still... the trailers give it away pretty nicely that it's just "Live Free or Die Hard" with GI Joes and the Mummy guy as director making everyone say hit-n-miss one liners.

Azisien

08-06-2009, 04:17 PM

Reviews and metascores and blah de blah aside, GI Joe was by far the dumbest trailer I've seen this year, of the dozen or so I've seen. I don't think I'll pay money to see it. Instead I'll watch it for free in a few months.

Wigmund

08-06-2009, 06:38 PM

Reviews and metascores and blah de blah aside, GI Joe was by far the dumbest trailer I've seen this year, of the dozen or so I've seen.

Have to disagree (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYBF3HKzrmE) with you there.

Magus

08-07-2009, 02:48 AM

My point wasn't so much that "pre-screen=good", it was "pre-screen=probably not completely atrocious and the studio is at least confident in what they're doing or at least honest about it."

Also, mindless action is only good if the people who created it meant for it to be mindless. It's the difference between the horrible Transformers and the great Punisher: War Zone--Transformers was just horrible, War Zone was self-aware.

I mean, seriously, Transformers had like extremely dumbed down moral sayings and shit going on in it in between the scenes of robots stabbing each other with flame-swords and peeing on John Turturro, War Zone had a guy get a chair-leg kicked through his skull in the opening scene and snowballed from there through the bad guy getting pushed into a glass bottle crusher and onto even more over-the-top superviolence. Neither is high art but at least War Zone was honest about it without dressing it up with the sort of shallow, inane plot complications that Transformers seemed to like to put in there.

Oh, and product placement. Ye gods. Product placement is just a sheer "fuck you" to the people paying eleven dollars (and counting) to see the movie. I see commercials on TV for free, thank you, I don't need a Mountain Dew vending machine Transformer.

Azisien

08-07-2009, 03:39 AM

Disagree, on the grounds that I watched Transformers and was entertained AND was mindless.

Have to disagree with you there.

I had the glorious luck of NOT seeing this trailer. But fine, I am a man of my word. G.I. Joe was the second dumbest trailer I've seen this year.

Honestly, though? It should still be first. Not because I don't want to concede, neither. It's because that Twilight crap deserves a word far more powerful than 'dumb' to describe its AAGGGGHSDFHSJFhdsfdskugvhfsdjgkdfsjklghsd;afkjeaws fjkhadskfvdvbgdasvjsddgfdbfdsbcvvbcxz.....

Bells

08-07-2009, 04:51 AM

Twilight can't have crappiest trailer because the trailer is for a movie that is a faithful representation of the source material.

Think about that for a second or two...

The Gunslinger

08-07-2009, 05:10 AM

But the source material is absolutely horrible so who cares?

At least G.I. Joe wants to be fun instead of an emo, not sure if this is the right word, "romance" between two characters with no chemistry at all.

TheWolf13

08-07-2009, 01:42 PM

GI Joe wants to be fun but it fails. This movie is better than Transformers 2 but just barely. The special effects are horrible. The acting is horrible. The action is good and it does have a little bit of the GI Joe style in how things are done. Also evidently I forgot in the last 20 years that Duke and Baroness have the dumbest love story ever. The worst part is that the movie is so ultra-violent that its best audience(kids) will probably have to pass.

Magus

08-07-2009, 10:24 PM

The fact that it is slightly better than Transformers 2 will make the people who went gah-gah over that movie believe it should be nominated for an academy award!

I think I'll go see A Perfect Getaway instead this weekend, it's supposed to be pretty good. Or at least quite a bit better.

Mirai Gen

08-08-2009, 03:41 AM

Well at least they drenched all the action figures that were worth remembering into movies, there shouldn't be anything left for them to cover.

...Shouldn't anyway.

Sky Warrior Bob

08-08-2009, 09:32 AM

So... Does this mean I should save my money for District (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6PDlMggROA) 9 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZnpzfcMheA)?

Or is it worth seeing?

SWB

Bells

08-09-2009, 01:05 AM

Ok, i just watched it.

Seriously, there is no reason to be afraid or angry at this movie. It's fine. It's not perfect (it really isn't.) but it's just fine. It's worth a watch.

I'll spoiler proof everything below just to be on the safe side, but mind you i'm just talking about the characters and some spoilers for the movie ( Also, it's good to see a movie that actually handle it's plot twists in a WELL DONE manner )

I don't like Duke. He is fine when there are other people on the screen. But when he is solo (or in the end where he fleeing in the sub) the guy is Wooden-like. Really lost me there. Also, his script is the weakest one in the movie.

Ripcord... i like ripcord. I was afraid he was going to be JUST a comedic fold, but they managed to balance the cheese and the serious just enough. You might not like it, but that was NOT bad acting.

Scarlet; Scarlet does her part just right. Visually she fits. Her acting is decent if a bit lacking. But she does her part as the leading female role just right.

Heavy Dutty; He is a Plot mover. Whenever people need a Joe on the screen to show things happening and everybody else is busy, you get Heavy Duty. When he talks, you feel like the guy is a leading role. The balacing out here is great, to bad he dosen't get much attention plot-wise.

Hawk; Now... Dennis Quaid. Hawk is not bad, not really. He is more political than militaristic, but that fits with what they are doing in the movie. He does his part and he is not bad at it.

Snake Eyes; Oh c'mon the guy is fucking awesome. Duke looks like a baby when Snake is around. His flashbacks on the other hand are on the weak side, and dosen't value his relationship with Storm Shadow as much as it could... still, Action-Wise, Snake eyes owns your face.

Breaker: He has a minor role, but he does it well. He helps the plot and his "Super Science" and "Super Brain" as just ridiculous enough to work.

Cover Girl: Star Trek Red Shirt.

Brendan Fraser as Sergeant Stone: A well done, nicely placed and played character with very little screen time, but a possible front man for a sequel.

And now, for the Bad guys... i'll make it short because there are 2 groups of bad guys in this movie: There are all the bad guys that were awesome, and then there is the Baroness.

Seriously, what the flippin fuck... she is reduced to a mindless one-liner-spouting senseless plot device. At the very end of the movie they try to solve her clusterfuck but it is all left in the air with a sour taste in the mouth. Waste of screen time.

Cobra Commander: Tommy Solomon from 3rd Rock from the Sun has GROWN. His part has the most possibility for being stupid and corny and yet he pulls it off just about right. The wig was a tad stupid... but his acting and his story unfolds just right, and i'm glad he got the part. I just really hope they fix that mask on the sequel.

Destro: Good Enough for his part. Does a decent job and it's well played on the screen. On the very end they give him a High tech solution and we get the metallic face we all know, but it was so well done and it worked as a Bridge for the presentation of the real mastermind behind it all, Cobra Commander.

Zartan: Tip of the hat for Zartan. Dude cruises trough the movie with fucking class. And he is the bridge for the sequel.

Storm shadow: He was well executed. He was all the talk that Snake Eyes didn't got and he is a badass, but again, Weak Flashbacks. His ending was well done enough so that he can actually come back for a sequel.

All and all, it's no masterpiece. But it IS a well put together action flick. Totally worth your viewing, even if just once. Its way better than what we're used to see in these kinds of movies recently.

Sky Warrior Bob

08-09-2009, 07:23 PM

The Invasion of Cobra Island, Part 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGDne4uZjPM)
The Invasion of Cobra Island, Part 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foUqmCEguMo&feature=related)

At least, thanks to the movie we get these.

SWB

01d55

08-09-2009, 10:30 PM

So I read MGK's Flapjack's review (http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2009/08/08/yo-joe/) which is actually a mocking recap of the whole thing.
But then Baroness interrupts the evil nanite-slaving because she still loves Duke deep down! And then it turns out that ALL ALONG Baroness was in fact a nanite zombie slave the whole time! This is awesome because instead of having Baroness be an independent woman who has chosen a malicious path, this confirms that secretly all along she wanted to be a good upstanding wife and have babies and salute the flag and be blonde.

BitVyper

08-09-2009, 10:46 PM

And then it turns out that ALL ALONG Baroness was in fact a nanite zombie slave

Fuck. Seriously fuck. I mean FUCK.

Fuck.

Edit: Put in spoiler tags. Sorry, shitty movie fact made me forget that it was new.

Bells

08-09-2009, 10:52 PM

Fuck indeed.

Although, like i said on the previous page, in the very ending (Actually the very last scene before we go to the hook for the sequel) they leave it a bit in the air with the "You can't save me" and "I'll keep trying"... which would turn out to be a plausible "excuse" for her going evil on her own in the sequel (Maybe she DOES have feelings for Destro afterall)

But yes, the yuppie love plot was tacked on and totally unnecessary. The Ripcord/Scarlet ship is way better.

Also Sexy? the Denis Quaid / Brendan Frasier ship.

BitVyper

08-09-2009, 11:20 PM

The love story isn't the stupid(est) part about it. They could have the love story without completely neutering (spaying?) her character.

01d55

08-09-2009, 11:43 PM

Fifthfiend

08-10-2009, 12:42 AM

MGK's review

http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/fifthfiend/flapjacks1.jpg

http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/fifthfiend/flapjacks2.jpg

http://i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt148/fifthfiend/flapjacks3.jpg

http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o159/posindustries/facepalm/colbert.gif

01d55

08-10-2009, 12:59 AM

What, you actually believe that MGK and Flapjacks are not the same person?

Archbio

08-10-2009, 01:13 AM

How can you go wrong adapting G.I. Joe?

Ah.

Now I know, and knowing is half the battle.

Fifthfiend

08-10-2009, 01:23 AM

MGK and Flapjacks... the same person?

!!

Sir I'll have you know I run a decent forum for decent people and talk of this manner will not be tolerated!

BitVyper

08-10-2009, 01:29 AM

I honestly dunno how I feel about you pulling that out of my spoiler block.

On the one hand, there's an unlabeled spoiler right there.

On the other hand, the warning must be given. The people must be told.

I blame the movie's director for taking such a shockingly stupid direction with The Baroness that parts of my brain had to shut down in self defense just from reading about it.

Spoiler tags added.

Aerozord

08-10-2009, 04:52 AM

So I read MGK's review (http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2009/08/08/yo-joe/) which is actually a mocking recap of the whole thing.
But then Baroness interrupts the evil nanite-slaving because she still loves Duke deep down! And then it turns out that ALL ALONG Baroness was in fact a nanite zombie slave the whole time! This is awesome because instead of having Baroness be an independent woman who has chosen a malicious path, this confirms that secretly all along she wanted to be a good upstanding wife and have babies and salute the flag and be blonde.

please for the love of all that is good in this world tell me that is sarcasm

Bells

08-10-2009, 04:56 AM

please for the love of all that is good in this world tell me that is sarcasm

Actually the basic facts there are pretty true... yeah...

Also? The main plot of the movie.

Seriously. The Joe / Cobra war has just as much screentime or maybe a little less.

Also, the Duke / Baroness Flashbacks become a tad more creepy because the only other characters that do get a flashback are Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes.

...so, there is that extra level of creepy there.

01d55

08-10-2009, 04:58 AM

Look, if it makes you feel better I'll go edit the post. Then we can all move on to address the outanding issues in this thread.

Seriously, there is no reason to be afraid or angry at this movie. It's fine. It's not perfect (it really isn't.) but it's just fine. It's worth a watch.

All and all, it's no masterpiece. But it IS a well put together action flick. Totally worth your viewing, even if just once. Its way better than what we're used to see in these kinds of movies recently.
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i76/Carminate/AX2006/th_objection.jpg (http://media.photobucket.com/image/phoenix wright objection/Carminate/AX2006/objection.jpg?o=1)
It turns out that ALL ALONG Baroness was in fact a nanite zombie slave.
Seriously how can you recommend a movie like that?

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k226/01d55/strangesearch.jpg
????

Aerozord

08-10-2009, 05:06 AM

it sounds more like a poorly written fanfic then a hollywood movie

Bells

08-10-2009, 05:49 AM

Seriously how can you recommend a movie like that?

Well, the bottom line is that it actually is a fun movie and the plot IS in fact nicely put together... for the source material.

If you can accept Both transformers movie, if you enjoyed Live Free or Die Hard, or if, someway somehow, you liked Terminator Salvation... well... G.I. Joe just doesn't fall behind.

What is so bad about it is that every time Duke and the baroness are on screen you have 80% chance of rolling your eyes, and the other 20% is because they are there but someone else is talking. So, the main flaw of the movie is the fact that they are important to the plot... but the villains? Well done! The rest of the joe team? Hell, that was well done too...

The action is fun and actually better than what i expected (The Super Suits actually come off as Rookie training devices, which i though was a nicely done push for a obvious toy)

You don't loose anything if you wait for a DVD or Bludisc of it. You can certainly enjoy it outside of a movie theater. But there is sure as hell no need to toss it into the abyss of hellfire and claim roaring "Unclean! Uncleaaaan!"... ok i might have gone a tad overboard on the last bad analogy.

Fifthfiend

08-10-2009, 11:55 AM

????

Just thank God I remembered to close my other tabs, or we'd have a real situation on our hands!

Meister

08-10-2009, 11:58 AM

Fifth you don't even search for nudie pics on wiki wtf

vv that would be the joke, yes.

krogothwolf

08-10-2009, 01:25 PM

Fifth you don't even search for nudie pics on wiki wtf

Could have been tycho nudie pics for all we know!

Was at least the Snake Eyes vs Storm Shadow fights well done?

Fifthfiend

08-10-2009, 03:01 PM

Fifth you don't even search for nudie pics on wiki wtf

Sounds like someone's using the wrong wikis!

Magus

08-11-2009, 02:22 AM

Wait wait wait wait wait.

Cobra Commander has a wig?!

Kyanbu The Legend

08-11-2009, 03:27 AM

Look, if it makes you feel better I'll go edit the post. Then we can all move on to address the outanding issues in this thread.

http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i76/Carminate/AX2006/th_objection.jpg (http://media.photobucket.com/image/phoenix wright objection/Carminate/AX2006/objection.jpg?o=1)
It turns out that ALL ALONG Baroness was in fact a nanite zombie slave.
Seriously how can you recommend a movie like that?

????

From the moment I saw the frist trailer for this movie, and the over the top super suits. I had a feeling this movie was going to suck. But over time I grew to have hope for it. Thinking "maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe it'll actually be a good movie". But now It seems I might of been right about it (glad I didn't see. Then again, I've lost all faith in movies years ago so thats not saying much). So... was I right? Did it really suck, or was it worth spending $15+.

Bells

08-11-2009, 04:37 AM

Geez! You pay $15 to watch a movie?! I thought you guys payed like 5~8~10 bucks for a movie ticket. This movie is worth $10 bucks, but it's not worth $15

...i hope this makes sense on some level.

Aerozord

08-11-2009, 04:41 AM

you pay 10 bucks? I just wait for it to go to the discount theater and pay a buck fifty. Though it does have the psychological hit of paying more for your drink then the movie

Bells

08-11-2009, 05:24 AM

Ah! Just for the heck of it i found this video review at the Escapist that is somewhat on par with what i think, so, it might serve some

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/escape-to-the-movies/866-G-I-Joe-The-Rise-of-Cobra

Kyanbu The Legend

08-11-2009, 07:26 AM

Geez! You pay $15 to watch a movie?! I thought you guys payed like 5~8~10 bucks for a movie ticket. This movie is worth $10 bucks, but it's not worth $15

...i hope this makes sense on some level.

If you include a drink, some popcorn, and a snack or 2 it's usaully around 15.

SubZero

08-11-2009, 10:40 AM

What we have here is people nitpicking. Yes, the Baroness is controlled by nanobots, but that doesn't describe the entire movie. It's a fun action movie that accurately captures the spirit of TV series, along with awesome portrayals of most of the characters.

All of the action sequences are well-done and choreographed and the fights between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are really cool-looking. The movie respects the source material and actually allows all of the principal characters to live through the movie.

If you payed money to see Transformers 2 but let a few detracting factors and a bad trailer keep you from seeing this one, then I've lost all respect for you.

Magus

08-11-2009, 04:30 PM

Wouldn't having the Baroness controlled by nanobots automatically be NOT "respecting the source material?" By something like definition? From what I can tell in past G.I. Joe cartoons and such she is a faux-Nazi (Soviet?) villainess, not a mind-controlled slave, and her romantic interest is Destro, not Duke.

BitVyper

08-11-2009, 06:54 PM

Disempowering the friggin Baroness is less like respecting the source material, and more like chopping off its head and then peeing on its corpse.

SubZero

08-11-2009, 09:32 PM

Bells

08-11-2009, 10:02 PM

You'll have to forgive me. I forgot I was talking to people who hadn't actually seen the movie for themselves and were prepared to offer up their knowledgeable critique of the film, but rather had worked themselves up over an offhand spoiler someone gave. Allow me to clarify for you.

The nanobots DO NOT control the Baroness in the traditional sense. Cobra Commander doesn't have a team of scientists standing around controlling her every action. In the film, all that they do is alter her memories and feelings, making her blame Duke for her brother's death, but other than that, her actions are her own. Her taunts, personality, and combat skills are her own, as seen during the part of the movie where she was free of the nanobots.

All the nanobots do is push her into joining Destro's cause, not make her a nanobot "zombie". So as a relative minor flaw, I can easily overlook it and enjoy the sheer awesome G.I. Joe-ness that is everything else about this movie.

Sorry mate, but that's a form of mind control too.

Warning for those who still want to watch the movie... here comes the spoilers.

During the entire movie we are presented with this crazy Nano technology that makes soldiers into perfect mindless machines. So much that they want to use it even on Duke.

Also, mind you, that when the Professor neutralizes the Baroness, Destro shows up surprised with just that. They even argue on how no one ever broke feel of the CONTROL. As we get to realize right about the end of the movie, The soon-to-be Cobra Commander is the master puppeteer behind everything.

He takes advantage to the fact that Duke never returned to his sister and everyone though he was dead, and he simply kidnapped her (it's shown in the movie) and Altered her Memories, Personality and Emotional state.

He Shaped her to serve his cause. He controlled her. Because he defined how she should act and she acted as defined. That's control.

It even puts a grey area on her relationship with Destro. Was Cobra Commander just using his Sister to keep Destro under control and under watch, or her new personality just generated that attraction?

Either way, Rex clearly uses his sister to acquire funding and access from the background. The movie doesn't show just how much control he HAS over her, but considering that he has a lot over everyone else... its not surprising.

BitVyper

08-11-2009, 10:48 PM

I forgot I was talking to people who hadn't actually seen the movie for themselves and were prepared to offer up their knowledgeable critique of the film, but rather had worked themselves up over an offhand spoiler someone gave. Allow me to clarify for you.

Sorry, I forgot that you have to actually pick up and taste every piece of shit that you see before deciding that it is indeed shit.

Cobra Commander doesn't have a team of scientists standing around controlling her every action.

Well gee, I can't recall where I so much as implied that he did.

her actions are her own.

No, see, that's not true. When you physically alter someone's brain to make them do what you want, putting responsibility for their actions on them is like blaming a lobotomy victim for being stupid.

Archbio

08-11-2009, 11:27 PM

What we have here is people nitpicking.

A character has to be very minor to be considered a nit.

SubZero

08-11-2009, 11:47 PM

Sorry, I forgot that you have to actually pick up and taste every piece of shit that you see before deciding that it is indeed shit.

You're cute when you try to be insulting. ;)

Especially since for that analogy to work, I would first have to see the shit to know it was shit, wouldn't I? Oh, but I forgot, you apparently have other people go outside and tell you exactly what is shit so you don't have to see the shit for yourself.

...No wait, that doesn't make much sense, since I saw what you assume to be shit and told you it wasn't shit, only to have you completely disregard my opinion and assume that it was still shit. In fact, Bells and The Escapist's Bob, two individuals who have also seen firsthand that which you call shit, both say that it isn't, yet you ignored their opinions as well..

So apparently you just have some sort of superhuman ability where you can sense the spiritual vibrations of shit.

Mirai Gen

08-12-2009, 02:35 AM

Magus

08-12-2009, 02:48 AM

It doesn't really matter, since the people who didn't pay 11 bucks to see a piece of shit are still ahead by 11 dollars.

So apparently you just have some sort of superhuman ability where you can sense the spiritual vibrations of shit.

THEY'RE ONTO US

BitVyper

08-12-2009, 03:12 AM

You're cute when you try to be insulting. ;)

Especially since for that analogy to work, I would first have to see the shit to know it was shit, wouldn't I? Oh, but I forgot, you apparently have other people go outside and tell you exactly what is shit so you don't have to see the shit for yourself.

...No wait, that doesn't make much sense, since I saw what you assume to be shit and told you it wasn't shit, only to have you completely disregard my opinion and assume that it was still shit. In fact, Bells and The Escapist's Bob, two individuals who have also seen firsthand that which you call shit, both say that it isn't, yet you ignored their opinions as well..

So apparently you just have some sort of superhuman ability where you can sense the spiritual vibrations of shit.

Wow. I'm responding to this against my better judgement, but hell, why not.

My superhuman ability is called "watching the previews, reading reviews, hearing what people have to say, and judging whether I want to spend money seeing the movie based on how much I trust these sources." It's just something I do occasionally. I happen to know my own taste in movies fairly well, and from being around this forum for awhile, I have a little bit of insight into the tastes of other posters, and how close they are to my own. I also know that I've agreed with most of the reviews I've found on MGK's site before. So yeah, I can actually make a judgement without watching the movie. I can't write a full-blown critique of it, but I can certainly decide whether or not I'm interested.

Oh, and I might as well point out that I haven't actually called the movie shit yet. The analogy I made was in regards to The Baroness, who I was talking about before you shifted the discussion toward when I am and am not cute. I responded to a specific detail about the movie. You've already said yourself that this detail is true, so whether or not I've seen the movie really has nothing to do with any of this.

Just to get it out of the way though: I think GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is probably -almost definitely- a crappy movie.

Also: I am cute all the time, but that sarcasm in my analogy wasn't intended specifically as a personal insult. It was a dig at that plot element.

NonCon

08-16-2009, 03:35 AM

I saw this movie. It was incredibly, mind numbingly stupid in almost every conceivable way.

I had an okay time.

Was it pretty terrible? Yes. Was it so bad it's good? No. But, in the end, I just kind of rolled with it and laughed at how retarded it was without even realizing it.

Was anyone else under the impression during the underwater dog-fighting that they were watching Star Wars: Under the Sea?

InThroughTheOutDoor

08-24-2009, 04:23 PM

Honestly if it wasn't for my childhood nostalgia I would have not looked twice at this but since I went in with such low expectations I was half blown away by how much I enjoyed it!

Funka Genocide

08-24-2009, 07:31 PM

the only thing that could have got me to go see this movie would have been a trailer where somebody runs into a burning room and yells "pork chop sandwiches!"

Tev

08-24-2009, 07:42 PM

Right so I was going to post this back a while ago when I saw the movie, but I fogot to and now there's a bunch of people in here picking the movie to pieces and hating it so I'll just say this and head out:

I'll not lie, it spoke to the 7 year old inside me like no movie has ever done before. I literally got everything I went there to see and more.

Like:
-The phrase "Now we know....and knowing is half the battle!"
-So many vehicles that there will be new Joe toys for years.
-Explosions.....oh so many explosions.
-Ninja fights!
---Bonus: Snake Eyes kept his mouth shut all movie long!
-Laser guided, computer programmed, exploding crossbow bolts.
---No really, all of that.
-Kung Fu grip!
-A real honest to God cobra!

And more, so much more. The adult side of me is totally convinced this was a terrible movie, but the kid in me doesn't care one bit. This movie was awesome and anyone who says otherwise has forgotten what it's like to be a kid. For shame on you! Shaaaame!