What was the joke again?

[bluestarultor]

The rules of the game are simple. The winner of each round posts a punchline and everyone else has to make up a joke for it. The round leader then chooses first, second, etc. place winners like any other game around here to give each 24 hours to come up with a new punchline. After all placing participants have been run through without a new punchline, the round is up for grabs.

Some general rules:
- no pictures
- no videos
- no media of any other kind

The idea is to create new and original jokes, so please refrain from forcing people into dead baby jokes or something with lines like "one baby in ten mailboxes" or "it depends on how hard you throw them" unless you truly see potential in getting a new joke out of it. On the players' end, the round leader may determine someone's joke is too similar to a previous one. This isn't a matter of "X did it better" so much as "Y, you can't add a few words to improve on X's joke."

Rounds are 24 hours, unless that ultimately proves to be too little time to allow for adequate responses.



I'll start off with:

"That's great, but you're standing on my foot!"

[Rejected Again]

A door to door vacuum salesmen knocks on the door to the Henderson's. As the door is opened he proceeds to let him self in and begins showing off the capabilities of his vacuum cleaner. "This this will clean dirt, dust, pet hair, and it is so powerful that it even will clean old wine stains. All the while, the change brush will automatically sort out any coins and place them into rolls and wrap them for you." The sales men said, while continuing to show off his product. After a few minuets of displaying his wares Mr. Henderson finally says, "That's great, but you're standing on my foot!"

[Ape Boy]

It's been a while since I've sat down and tried to write out an actual joke, so no promises.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, Pontius Pilate has addressed the mob of people gathered at Golgotha, everyone deciding they should finally go through with Jesus' execution. Pontius turns to Jesus and says:

"You see?! Your people have abandoned you and left you to die! This is what happens to heathens like you!" Pilate drives the first stake into Jesus' hand, causing him to visibly grimace and struggle to contain his cry of pain. Pontius, happy with himself, shifts to the other side and says:

"The same people you wanted to save have delivered you to this fate!" Pilate drives the second stake into Jesus' other hand, causing tears to stream from his face and blood to trickle from biting his lip. Pontius is satisfied with his handiwork so far, and steps away posturing for the crowd. He steps back over, causing Jesus to wail a yell that could be heard at the back of the crowd. Pilate gets in his face and says to him:

"You think this is bad? I haven't even started yet! I've got more nails, I've got whips, I've got rocks, I've got---" Jesus looks him in the eye, yelling to interrupt.

"...THAT'S GREAT, BUT YOU'RE STANDING ON MY FOOT!!"

[The SSB Intern]

In a time long ago, there was a small village that was plagued by a monster most foul. It forced all the villagers to pay tributes of food and daughters and destroyed the village when the quota was not met, which was often. One day, a young man packed his sword and put on his armor and told his parents, "I am going across the valley to kill the monster so our village will be free."

And so he went. When he entered the cave where the beast had made its home, he could have sworn he was plunging into hell itself. Every wall was pitch black, save for one. There was the monster. It was more immense and hideous than anything he had ever seen before. He charged and whipped his sword in a frenzy. The blade hewed through the monster's flesh and his wretched blood sprayed from the wounds like a fountain. The man climbed on top of the beast and planted his sword in it.

"Good villagers! I have slain the demon!" He shouted out of the cave so his voice carry across the contryside. "You are free now! No longer will you live in fear! YOU CAN-" He was cut off by a booming growl coming from far above him.
"THAT'S GREAT, BUT YOU'RE STANDING ON MY FOOT."

[deanh22a]

A filthy, naked man trudges down a dirt road. Coming across an open grave in the ditch nearby, he decides to investigate. There is a man laying at the bottom of the grave.
"Hello? Are you okay?", the poor man shouts.
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! It is too much to ask to die in peace?? Do me a favor and shovel some dirt down on me, will ya?"
"What could be so bad to end your life over?", asks the poor man. "I don't even have enough money to buy clothes or shoes, but I'm still happy to have my health and my family. There is always something worth living for. What do you have?"
"I have LEPROSY. My freaking body parts are falling off. Now get lost."
"You don't look so bad! I bet you've got at least a few good months left. I'll tell ya what... I'll lower this shovel for you to climb up. Then, you walk yourself back down that road and enjoy what is left of your life. Deal?"
The leper sighs. "That's great, but you're standing on my foot."

[bluestarultor]

Wow, I really wasn't expecting such a great turnout!

SSB takes the gold! That was just awesome!
Dean comes out of left field for the silver!

Ape Boy gets honorable mention for almost taking the silver, but losing out on a sliver due to my bias on the historical inaccuracy. You can consider it a tie if you like. T'was very close. :D

Go, go, go! :cool:

[Ape Boy]

"Historical inaccuracy" be damned! It's a joke ;)

[The SSB Intern]

I honestly thought dean's was better, but

"Well, the police didn't think it was that funny."

[Rejected Again]

After 13 years Frank was allowed to have a cell mate. After his new roomy was led to the cell they both sat in quite contemplation, the new guy decided to introduce himself. "The name is Joe. You must be the famed arsonist Frank Kappa, right? I'm a big fan, burning down Krispy Kream stores is ironic and brilliant." Frank looked at Joe and simply replied, "Well, the police didn't think it was that funny."

[bluestarultor]

"My fiancee just had her wedding party and we thought it would be great to get her police strippers. Unfortunately, they all got a little drunk and rowdy and as soon as the uniforms entered the door with their noise spiel, some of the members of the party got impatient and decided to help."
"That's hilarious!"
"Well, the police didn't think it was that funny."

[Ape Boy]

Frat Boy 1: Oh, Johnny, you shoulda been there Saturday night! Me and my buddy Jeff got totally wasted, and Jeff invented this awesome game called "Chocolate Rain"!
Frat Boy 2: Yeah? How do you play?
FB 1: You hang your bare ass off an overpass and try to land a duke on someone's car! Jeff won on the first go when he smacked this car right on the hood as it flew by!!
FB 2: BRO, that sounds hilarious! Count me in next time!
FB 1: No can do, man, Jeff gets to retire as champion because we're not going to play again...
FB 2: Awwwww, why the Hell not?
FB 1: Well, the police didn't think it was that funny...

[deanh22a]

A crazy inventor walks into a doctor's office.



"Oi, Doctor! I got a problem 'ere! Funny story, actually. See, I made this device that makes a bowling ball-sized wormhole to any place in the world ya want ta go. First thing I did was take a dump through it inta' the driver's seat of my mother-in-law's ford taurus. Then, I reached my arm through and gave Obama the finger! After that, I stuck my leg through and kicked Bin Laden right in the bum while he was doin' pilates!"
The doctor chucked.
"Yeah, I know! Its hilarious, innit? But then..."
The man unzipped and dropped his trousers to reveal his no-no area, which was bright red and covered in bruises and burn spots.
"As it turns out... Well, the police didn't think it was that funny."

[The SSB Intern]

Ape boy gets the win. Dean's runner up again.

[Ape Boy]

Sweet!

"...Hey, I don't hear her complaining!"

[Rejected Again]

A newly wed couple were sitting at home when suddenly the wife flips out.
"For the last few months all you have sat and watched sports center and drank beer after work. You never help clean, cook, or even get your own beer. What do you think that any other woman would say about this?"
"....Hey, I don't her complaining."

[Zilla]

A man was charged with raping a dead hooker. What was his response to the charge?

"...Hey, I don't hear her complaining!"

[bluestarultor]

Stan and Dana were on the first day of their honeymoon. Between flying from New York to Hawaii, the luau, and a few too many fancy drinks at the bar, it was a miracle that Stan made it up to the room with Dana's help.

"I'm going- hehe- I'm going to get room serbis, Dan!" she giggled from the drinks.

"I- I'mm gond- gong? I'm gong da bed," Stan slurred, taking all his clothes off and flopping under the covers.

"Unnh..." Stan groaned the next morning. "'Morning, honey."

"Morning, Stan."

"'Morning, sir."

That woke Stan up. He whirled to face the unfamiliar voice, his head reeling, to find an attractive 20-something lying on the other side of his wife.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" Stan roared.

"Room service," the guy smiled.

"I MEAN," Stan demanded, "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH ME AND MY WIFE?"

The man just smiled.

"WHY-! YOU-! I'LL-! GRAGHRBLE!"

"...Hey, I don't hear her complaining."

[Ape Boy]

Let's give it to Bluestar

[bluestarultor]

Cool. Let's go with:

"Isn't it amazing what you can do with a laser pointer?"

[deanh22a]

Aliens invade the earth independence-day style. The world's military forces scramble to meet the aliens, but are losing the war decisively. Suddenly, every alien in the universe simultaneously explodes. Everyone is dumbfounded. A moment later, we hear a single voice over the radio. It is Chuck Norris.

"Isn't it amazing what you can do with a laser pointer?"

[Rejected Again]

Two friends were walking through the park when one sees a bug on the others chest. With out thinking he hits it with a closed fist, angering his friend. After a short argument the two engage is a brutal fight. On the other side of the path two more friends sat silently watching. After the fight had finished one of the men on the bench turns to the other and says, "Isn't it amazing what you can do with a laser pointer?"

[bluestarultor]

Well, this round goes to Rejected.

[Rejected Again]

Hehe so many to chose from.

Edit: I like this better.

""You expect me to believe that?"

Double Edit: Since no one posted, the next person to read this gets to make the new joke!

[bluestarultor]

Eh, why don't we just go with yours? After all, today WAS a US national holiday, and with so many of us being American, I really don't see any reason not to give it an extension.



A guy is walking down the street, when a beautiful woman just up and kisses him, then walks off. Flustered, but with a place he needs to be, he brushes it off and continues. Suddenly, a $100 bill floats to the ground right in front of his feet. He looks around, but no one is there, so he picks it up and pockets it before continuing. Then a wonderfully cool breeze gives him relief from the summer heat. By the time the final stretch comes, he's practically dancing down the street. He walks into his office and says to his secretary, "By golly, if this keeps up, I'll have had the best day ever!"

The woman observes his red lips, messed up hair, and the hole in his pants and says, "You expect me to believe that?"

[Rejected Again]

1st--Blues
2nd--Season 1 Power Rangers
3rd--Lo Pan
4th--L

[bluestarultor]

Okay, then... :sweatdrop

In hopes of actually getting someone in here:

"What kind of game do you think this is!?"

[Rejected Again]

While walking in the park today I came across a strange sight. At one of the tables sat two men playing cards. One would look at his hand and say a number, the other man would either give the man a card or hit him with his fist or any other object that was available. After watching this for a few moments I decided to approach them and inquire about the game. "What are you two guys playing?" I asked. After getting strange looks from the men one finally spoke up. "Its extreme Go Fish. What kind of game do you think this is!?"