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View Full Version : "Did I just see two cars fucking?" - The Southland Tales Survivors Thread


Lumenskir
05-06-2008, 02:37 PM
Man, what a fucked up movie.

If you haven't yet seen this 'film', I heartily recommend that you immediately gather up your friends, maybe get a little drunk, and dive into it totally clueless, which won't be hard considering the fact that any plot summaries or synopses you do manage to find will be laughingly incomprehensible...until you see the film in action and watch 140 minutes of "Wait, is this really happening?"

That being said, this is a thread for people who have emerged from the wreckage of Richard Kelly's latest offering with a resemblance of sanity intact. This is a thread for people who have trouble sleeping at night because they are positive that a movie with unexplained SWAT midgets running around can't exist. This is a communal support group for those who are haunted by lines like "He had a 200-inch cock" or "Pimps don't commit suicide". Maybe, just maybe, it can be a way to come to an agreed-upon explanation for how R. Kelly managed to get any amount of money at all to make a mostly plotless masturbatory ode to his disjointed and laughably paranoid leftist views.

My friends and I each have our competing theories as to why exactly this movie was made:

Friend 1: Kelly actually wants the movie to change some people's minds about...something(?). I think this has about a 34% chance of being the case, because I've read an interview where R. Kelly himself admits that the 'point' of the movie is obscure even to him, and the fact that if he really wanted to change people's minds he would have done about three less bong hits while planning out the narrative flow of the movie.

Friend 2: This a big test to see if people will actually come to the movie's defense while R. Kelly sits behind the scenes and laughs at anyone who tries to make sense of his big 'fuck you'. I'll give this one an 11% chance, because the theory was proposed by someone who hated Donny Darko and I'm merely ambivalent about DD. Of course, this movie does feature Kevin Smith in makeup that can only be described as 'horrifically obvious' and a Killers music video/Bud Light advertisement that pretty much defines "irrelevant unnecessity" so I feel the 11% might be a tad conservative.

Mine: The movie is a way to inflict people with PTSD so that the true plight of veterans is made clear for everyone. While some of the throwaway lines are sorta clever/humorous (the "The future will be far more futuristic" line in particular is something I'd expect to hear in Futurama) the vast majority are downright dissonance-inducing, meaning you leave the experience while your mind futilely tries to make sense of how someone can say something like "We sent monkeys through the time portal" with a straight face, or how a movie can exist that is built on such brain benders. Eventually you're forced to seek out the counsel of others who have been through the same traumatic experience or steadily devolve into madness.

But that's just the three theories I'm most familiar with. With something this stupidly expansive there's bound to be more.

NonCon
05-06-2008, 02:48 PM
I loved Donnie Darko, but Southland Tales made me want to punch a baby. Seriously, why would someone do this to me? This movie was like a paranoid-schizophrenic liberal decided to direct a porno while tripping on acid, and then they went through later and took out anything that made some semblance of sense...

Demetrius
05-06-2008, 03:41 PM
I think I liked it...

Of course my avatar on HoRP is now Boxer Santeros from the scene where he utters my favorite line, "I'm a Pimp, and Pimps don't commit suicide."

You know what, I did like it. I am going to have to be very drunk the next time I watch it though. That way I can get the full effect of the film.

Masked Jedi
05-06-2008, 09:33 PM
I absolutely loved it. Favorite film of 2007. I've seen it three times now, was wowed every time, and was completely sober.

Lumenskir
05-07-2008, 10:46 PM
I loved Donnie Darko, but Southland Tales made me want to punch a baby. Seriously, why would someone do this to me? This movie was like a paranoid-schizophrenic liberal decided to direct a porno while tripping on acid, and then they went through later and took out anything that made some semblance of sense...
See, even though I realize that ST is in no way a competent movie (at least by any reasonable sane standards) I can't bring myself to hate watching it, although I think I can empathize if you watched it alone/expecting something DD-ish (hell, even expecting something coherent). It really is a movie that gets infinitely worse when alcohol and/or friends are removed.
I think I liked it...

Of course my avatar on HoRP is now Boxer Santeros from the scene where he utters my favorite line, "I'm a Pimp, and Pimps don't commit suicide."

You know what, I did like it. I am going to have to be very drunk the next time I watch it though.
I really hated the Pimp line, because the first time it was used I assumed it was just another in a long litany of throw away remarks, and then J.T. uses it to describe the two time clones (or whatever shit they were supposed to be) and the dawning realization of "Oh my god, R. Kelly thinks that line is supposed to be really deep doesn't he? Oh my god, he's going to try and use it to tie up the movie and make everyone believe it makes sense? Oh my god, R. Kelly is retarded...like a fox!"
I absolutely loved it. Favorite film of 2007. I've seen it three times now, was wowed every time, and was completely sober.
Really? I'm not saying you're movie choice is wrong, I'm actually very interested to see what the defenders actually see in it, in case I'm missing/overlooking something. To me, the closest thing I can relate it to is Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, except where each consecutive moment in TTGL was more awesome than the last moment, each consecutive scene in SL had me going from "What the hell?" to "Really? Really? What the fuck?" to "Guys, promise me you'll never let me do acid, ok?" to "Come on, why is there a fucking Killers music video? And how is there still an hour left?" to "Guys, did I forget to warn you about the acid and I'm tripping balls right now?" to rocking in my bed a good three hours after finishing the movie, unable to go to sleep.

Masked Jedi
05-07-2008, 11:13 PM
I completely understood it, and still don't see why people don't get it. It made perfect sense to me. I see it becoming a huge cult hit in 10 years.

Lumenskir
05-11-2008, 02:25 AM
I completely understood it, and still don't see why people don't get it.
Well, it's kind of the difference between having a discussion on freedom v. liberties from my typical poli-sci professor and the homeless deranged veteran who hangs around my bus stop. Having a message is great, but it helps to have a clear presentation first. Also, not using copious amounts of raving spittle.
It made perfect sense to me.
Ok, this just wormed back into my head: The scene where they cut off the Japanese(?) guys hand because they had a 6-inch margin of error. Come on?
I see it becoming a huge cult hit in 10 years.
Well, probably. I mean, it RiffTrax's itself, it's great in lax social gatherings, and it's really fun to play "What's He/She doing in this movie?", but the same honor is also being geared up for The Wicker Man (http://www.avclub.com/content/node/60365). If you mean that in ten years a sizable amount of people will rise up to actually defend the movie as a great, if misunderstood film, ala Babe: Pig in the Big City or Primer...I dunno. Stranger things have happened, but about 37% of them took place in the movie.

Masked Jedi
05-11-2008, 03:06 AM
First of all, it's two cars porking. Second, the cutting off hand scene was there to show how twisted Von Westphalen (?) is. I see this film being like Primer, and I thought it made it's case very cleverly and clearly. I think the reason people don't get it is that they misread it and thinks it just him spouting anti-government nonsense, which is only part of what Kelly's saying.