Commercials that fail

[Fifthfiend]

So I don't know if you've seen these Comcast Digital Voice commercials, but I guess Comcast is doing internet telephone service and they're doing it with these commercials where weird crazy people call other people and expect their weird crazy statements to make sense to the people they're calling, because they're calling using Comcast Digital Voice. But - here's the hook - they dont! So the person on the other line sits there being like "dude, you're a crazy person."

I mean it's actually kind of a funny gimmick, it's just that it occurred to me that watching these things leaves me with no interest whatsoever in using Comcast's internet phone service. In fact if Comcast offered it to me for free, I'd probably think of the commercials with the crazy people using their service, and be like "what, you mean that phone service that crazy people use?" and tell Comcast fuck no, I don't want your crazy-people phone service.

So I thought this could be a thread.

To make it clear, this isn't a thread just for like, bad commercials, cause god knows those Mentos commercials from back forever ago were like being punched in the face with awful, yet still somehow made you want to buy fucking Mentos. So this thread is more just about commercials that for whatever reason utterly fail to make you want to have anything to do with the product they're supposedly trying to sell.

[Mac]

Fifth, the only thing here that is failure is you with your fancy red text. =P

In seriousness, it is Tim Hortons commercials. They make anyone who east their food into mindless retarded morons. I absolutely cannot stand those commercials.

[Truce]

That one commercial where all they say is "Apply directly to the forehead."

I can't even remember what the product is - but I know I'm not going anywhere near that stuff.

I think the Mentos commercial succeeds simply because it brainwashes you with horribly catchy song. I know whenever I hear it it means that I need to go get Mentos as soon as possible.

[Bells]

The Ps3 Ads

just because someone else will say it

[Tendronai]

Because Bellsouth reminded me...

Those PSP ads with the rodents. You know, these ones (http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=192). I'm not sure how they were supposed to get anyone to want to buy a PSP, but I know there's no way in hell I'd want to associate with anyone who was influenced by those.

[Fifthfiend]

The Skwirrulz, the fucking fake-graffitti, the "I want a PSP for Christmas" shenannigans, is there anything Sony has done to sell its videogames-related products in recent memory that hasn't been a travesty?

[PyrosNine]

As I have mentioned before (http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showpost.php?p=566752&postcount=38), I HATE reeses commercials with a loathing.

CHOKE ON YOUR DAMNED HEDONISTIC CUPS OF PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE!

Furthermore, I can't stand the dollar menunaire McDonald's commericals, especially the one that came with Far Cry. Hardee's too.

And anything by the Oxyclean guy. I bet he talks like that everywhere, and people hate him. Like I do.

[Fifthfiend]

As I have mentioned before (http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showpost.php?p=566752&postcount=38), I HATE reeses commercials with a loathing.

CHOKE ON YOUR DAMNED HEDONISTIC CUPS OF PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE!

Sure fine you hate them, but you can't deny that they at least make Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups look like a worthwhile product.

[Truce]

I actually hate those Nutrigrain bar commercials, but this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5edadQUl8AY) is amusing for some reason.

That Oreo Pizza commercial is kinda bad too. I mean, I like oreos, and I like pizza, but seeing it smeared across someone's face doesn't look that appetizing.

[Mauve Mage]

I hate Countrywide Insurance commercials. They always get creepy looking people to get as close to the camera as possible and I find them very annoying.


Also-- The Art Instruction Schools ads. The man has no soul. Seriously. He's got this weird Jimmy Stewart-ish accent and no personality and he's gonna send you this FREE brochure so that if you can draw Timmy the Turtle you can learn to improve your art skills and airbrush pictures of purple antique cars on a beach in a purple sunset. Hate.

[POS Industries]

Also-- The Art Instruction Schools ads. The man has no soul. Seriously.

Have you ever noticed his skin? I'm pretty sure it's actually molded latex and that he's just an animatronic puppet. Think about it: You never see him below the waist. It's just wires and servos down there on a track so that it appears he's walking forward on screen.

But yeah, I hate all pharmaceutical commercials ever. From anthropomorphic toenail fungus creatures to generically European allergy bees to bizarre pipe-robot birdwatchers with bladder control problems, it's all just terrible and I wish they'd knock it off during dinner time.

And who the fuck decided that A) Viagra needed a theme song and 2) it should be a rewrite of "Viva Las Vegas"? I could have lived my whole life never having seen some old couple dancing around while someone sings "Viva Viagra". I mean it.

[Fifthfiend]

Pharmaceutical commercials all fail due to 1. they always show some shit totally unrelated to the actual problem, like a bunch of miscellaneous shots of people walking around on a beach somewhere instead of going like "oh man, it's awesome not to have cancer and / or psoriasis anymore," and 2. that disclaimer that takes up like 90% of the commercial where they tell you about the 5% chance of their diet pill making your internal organs erupt.

Also I don't get why Viagra commercials are always a bunch of tubby old people. They need a bunch of hot in-shape 20-year-old girls and be like "Hey old fellas, get Viagra and it will be hypothetically possible for you to have sex with one of these ladies!!!"

[Mannix]

There are a lot of food ads on the radio here in Korea that heavily involve the sound of people consuming the product. Like people gulping beer or sucking down ramen. I actually punched my friends radio while we were driving once. Then I asked him what company that ad was for so I could avoid their products. I guess it doesn't bother the Koreans as much since making loud eating noises is encouraged as a sign that you're enjoying the food (like belching after a meal in Saudi Arabia), but it drives me up the frigging wall.

[Bells]

funny no one said anything about the Michael Jordan Porn Movie Ad

[42PETUNIAS]

funny no one said anything about the Michael Jordan Porn Movie Ad
... Linky?

Also I don't get why Viagra commercials are always a bunch of tubby old people. They need a bunch of hot in-shape 20-year-old girls and be like "Hey old fellas, get Viagra and it will be hypothetically possible for you to have sex with one of these ladies!!!"
As much as money that would make, I think seeing all those commercials of old people hooking up with 20-year olds would creep too many people out. What they need to do is make an ad that's borderline porn, followed by "Is it up yet? Try viagara"

[TopHatAssassin]

Any commercial involving false enthusiasm. It hurts, listening to people expound the wonders of some product with their horrible acting skills. I want to physically reach through the tv and slap them for being so terrible. Mean, I know, but necessary.

[Toastburner B]

The Geico caveman commericals.

Why the heck should I buy insurance from you if your commercials feature people who hate you? Its like saying "We fail so hard that even cavemen can't stand us."

Also, commercials that travel in packs (i.e.: two or more commercials for the same product back to back) automatically fail. The two biggest offenders in this case are, again, Geico and whatever drug had that smiling Bob guy whose face I wanted to beat in with 9 iron.

[Mannix]

Also, commercials that travel in packs (i.e.: two or more commercials for the same product back to back) automatically fail. The two biggest offenders in this case are, again, Geico and whatever drug had that smiling Bob guy whose face I wanted to beat in with 9 iron.
Oh man, your head would explode in Korea then. They run all their tv ads in big 10 minute blocks between shows instead of during the show so you get to see a lot of repeat ads. One time I saw the same ad for the same movie 5 times in a row.

[42PETUNIAS]

Well, theres one back to back (might be a break for a commercial or two in between, not sure) in Canada, that I thought was pretty decent. But those were made to complement each other, and I thought it was pretty good. It was some sort of anti-drunk driving ones, where the first shows people leaving their cars so they don't drive home drunk, and the next was being reunited with the car. I think it's probably sponsored by the canadian government or something.

[Seil]

http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comics/20060421.jpg

[bluestarultor]

XD XD XD


Alltel. They were cute at first, but only because you knew how bad it ticked off everyone else in the market. Now it's just lame and old.

geek: "Let's have a butter-eating contest."
big buff guy: "Fluffy!?"
geeks: "You're embarassing us in front of Chad!"


Chad != cool
dog joke != funny or even sensical
(competition = geek, nerd, loser, etc.) != effective marketing, as most people put themselves in the lower position