Stop the Remakes!! (Attack of the Remake)

[Regulus Tera]

Since the other thread is already dead (http://forum.nuklearpower.com/showthread.php?t=21993), I wanted to bring to your attention this piece of shit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1vVnoSRR78&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ejoystiq%2Ecom%2F) (quite literally).

Words cannot describe the horror of Cthulhulean proportions I'm suffering at the moment.

[Ugainius]

That film is going to suck so hard it'll put... well I don't think there's anything bad enough to be able to be put to shame by this.

[EVILNess]

And yet I am... compelled.

I will see that movie.

[Bells]

So, what's left to remake? Robocop?

[Ugainius]

So, what's left to remake? Robocop?

Now that's something I'd pay to see.

[Donomni]

Something else, too.... (http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/07/04)

Oh, come on! You know you want it.

[ArlanKels]

Flasshhh Goorddooonnn has returned!

[Lady Cygnet]

Yeah, that was horrible, and the shit-eating scene was unnecessary.

They're not going to stop until every bit of our childhood nostalgia has been destroyed, will they?

[RickZarber]

I dunno about destroyed. Exploited, certainly.

But yeah, eating a turd is probably an all-time low for Alvin...

[Krylo]

With Jason Lee playing Dave, I think I'm required to watch that.

[gurusloth]

With Jason Lee playing Dave, I think I'm required to watch that.
Dude, I like Jason Lee too, but the guy is far from infallible.

[Magus]

They're remaking the classic western 3:10 to Yuma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3:10_to_Yuma_(1957_film)), which was one of the few black-and-white westerns to not be corny and not have musical numbers, and was made right before the switch-over to color and the Spaghetti Western storm. Trailer for the original. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AecMZH1a1z0) I mean, it's corny out of context, but anybody who's seen even five minutes of an episode of Roy Rogers or Gene Autry will know what I'm talking about. Hell, put in Paint Your Wagon starring Clint Eastwood and you'll be glad to watch the 1957 version of 3:10 to Yuma.

However, when watching the trailer for the remake (http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809781728/video/3053783) the X-TREMIFICATION is rather apparent. The main character instead of being a rather put-upon rancher who desperately needs money so takes on the charge of transporting a dangerous criminal to a train is now BADASS and TOTALLY GRITTY and IS GOING TOTALLY GET THAT BRIT--I MEAN, CRIMINAL TO THAT TRAIN MAN.

Also Russell Crowe isn't very funny.

But, all that aside, at least they're remaking a movie that's 50 years old. Not like the remake of Halloween (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween_(2007_film)). I can't think of anything that needs remade less; when they can't even churn out a decent sequel it's time to put it in the back burner. I mean, I actually watched Halloween H2O one time (and Jason X, but that is a different realm of hilariousness, not just lameness). I have about as much interest in seeing Halloween again as putting my hand in a toaster...less.

EDIT: And if they ever try to remake A Fistful of Dollars and its Leone brethren I'll probably just have to go live as a hermit to get away from this insane world of ours.

[RickZarber]

Goddam it. I just found another one. Roland Emmerich is remaking Fantastic Voyage. (http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/070816f.php)

Why do they feel all these classic films need to be remade? I can't imagine it's to make them better. In fact, can anyone name a remake that they like better than the original? I'm really curious on this point; I can't think of any myself.

[MFD]

You know, is it just me or is The Invasion supposed to be a remake of Invasion of the Body-Snatchers?

[Mike McC]

With Jason Lee playing Dave, I think I'm required to watch that.So, you're also required to see Underdog, as Jason Lee is voicing Underdog?You know, is it just me or is The Invasion supposed to be a remake of Invasion of the Body-Snatchers?Originally, it was an explicit remake of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers (making it the third remake of that movie), but then it got retooled a ways into it's production, so now it's sorta a concept inspired by, but slightly different movie. A loose remake is a better description.

Also, they ruined any chance of it being a good movie by bringing in the Wachowski Brothers a long way into the production to do the 'action scenes', in a movie that is supposed to be cerebral suspense. This shows that the movie studio in charge simply doesn't understand the movie.

[Aerozord]

they do remakes because they are out of ideas. Your lucky to get one original movie a year. Expect a remake or a sequel to every movie you've ever loved. and expect each one to suck

[Lumenskir]

Also, they ruined any chance of it being a good movie by bringing in the Wachowski Brothers a long way into the production to do the 'action scenes', in a movie that is supposed to be cerebral suspense. This shows that the movie studio in charge simply doesn't understand the movie.
From the various reviews I've read, the Brothers were brought in because the movie was a plodding piece of nonsensical anti-Iraq babble, and they felt that a few car chase scenes would alleviate the problem of entire movie theaters going comatose.

Also, if anyone but me and my friends are keeping track, the percentage of movies that employ Sigur Ros in the trailers and are actually good stands at about 50%.

they do remakes because they are out of ideas. Your lucky to get one original movie a year. Expect a remake or a sequel to every movie you've ever loved. and expect each one to suck
In the past ten years, original movies have accounted for just about half of all box-office grosses.

[Aerozord]

original movie gross doesn't mean the number of original movies, it means how well those movies do. Besides most of those original movies quickly become part of a series of sequels.

[Lumenskir]

original movie gross doesn't mean the number of original movies, it means how well those movies do. Besides most of those original movies quickly become part of a series of sequels.
By your reasoning (the 'lucky to get one original movie a year' hypothesis), 10 movies have accounted for 50% of all box office grosses.

Also, when a good movie gets a good sequel, are you like required to remain pissy? Or maybe the better question is, how many movies do you watch a year that allows you to make such grand sweeping statements about the current state of cinema? Have you personally partaken in every movie you've ever deemed 'sucky'?

[Magus]

I actually wish they'd remake The Puppetmasters as the only movie based on the book was pretty lame (The Puppermasters is basically the same idea as Invasion of the Body-Snatchers just based on an actual book instead of probably taking its idea from said book like Invasion of the Body-Snatchers).

The original remake of Invasion of the Body-Snatchers was simply called Bodysnatchers and was an okay movie. I hear The Invasion cost 60 million dollars to make and has currently made only 6 million in the box office, probably because it stars that chick I hate. I can't even remember her name I hate her so much.

EDIT: Nicole Kidman. Why do they keep putting her in movies? She is a terrible actress. She expresses all the range of emotions of a cardboard box. Not even that; cardboard boxes can be soggy.